Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
