please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
