Buhtt sex?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
