Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
