Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Apparently you make a good broom.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
