Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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