I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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