sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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