I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
