why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
