Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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