i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
