so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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