1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
