sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
