There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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