Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
