I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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