Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
