We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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