Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize