Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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