Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
