i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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