There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had to cum in my sink.
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