when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize