i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
