Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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