Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
