Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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