If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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