glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize