I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
