I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
