absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
