Define "chronic" masturbator.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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