I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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