You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
