mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
