You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
