Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
