thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize