you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we made out on top of his cat.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
