My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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