I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
