Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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