My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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