I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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