i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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