I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
