One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
