Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
