Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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