I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
