real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
