All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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