those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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