I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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