she looked like the before picture.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
