his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize