A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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