Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
