worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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