I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
