ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
