So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
