yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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