Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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