You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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