You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
