I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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