so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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