So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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