hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
