apparently the secret to your success is patron
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
