make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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