After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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