I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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