you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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