3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
