forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't think brook has ever known best
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
