that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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