dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
