1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You can't motorboat a personality
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize