Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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