I swear she didn't look like that last week.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
