I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
