Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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