Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
