sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Even the bartender felt bad for me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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