shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
