My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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