Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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