I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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