so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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