Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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