u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
