It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize