No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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