After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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