You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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