apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
